


Paths to Eden

by Hope_Remains



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M, Kabby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-10-10 05:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hope_Remains/pseuds/Hope_Remains
Summary: Determined to find Abby after her decision to leave the Bunker, Kane searches for her - ready to die by her side. But life isn't through with them yet...(Canon-divergent fic where Kane and Abby are the ones who have to survive on Earth for 6 years alone)





	1. Chapter 1

The mechanical click of the Bunker door locking shut echoes in the hush of a now-empty world. A fitting death knell, he thinks, to mark the beginning of his end. There is no going back now...

Marcus Kane stands surrounded by the unconscious bodies of his people - the poor souls he’d chosen to die. Their sleeping forms fracture and multiply through tears as he struggles to blink them away. He and the other volunteers had laid them outside the Bunker as carefully and respectfully as they could, but nothing was going to change the fact that the faces before them, still so full of life, were about to be corpses. He can only pray that they pass away peacefully in their sleep.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispers, knowing there isn’t a soul who could ever hear him. Like them, he was no more than a ghost now. 

Indra had tried to reassure him in her ever stoic, matter-of-fact way that his actions - no matter how hard they were to bear - ensured the rest of his people would live. He had given what was left of Skaikru a chance for peace and a future and she would have done the same in his position. He understands. Is grateful for her solace, but isn’t willing to let himself off the hook. Not for this. Not for any of it. No matter how many people he saves, so many more are lost and he’s tired of losing.

And he sure as hell isn't going to lose Abby Griffin.

“I need you to pull 81 names from the bowl." His mind repeats this moment over and over as he tries to hold onto this last vestige of her - no matter how painful it may be to remember. He can’t forget the hollow tone of her voice. The defeated lines etched into her tired face. The dying embers of a once roaring flame flickering out in her eyes. 

Foolishly, he’d let her walk away, still trying to wrap his head around the full gravity of her words. He tried to imagine a world in which Abby Griffin didn’t exist, but there was no version of reality he could ever conjure that was worth living in without her. 

For as long as he can remember - big or small, good or bad - she’s been a part of his life. The girl with the ponytail in class he couldn’t take his eyes off of. The medical genius upstaging them all. The hard-working mother everyone admired. The persistent thorn in his side. His supportive co-leader and friend through thick and thin. The light in his darkness. The love of his life…

No. That couldn’t be the last time he ever saw her. Those couldn’t be their last words. That couldn’t be _their_ end. He’d give anything to have that moment back. To have just one more minute with her... 

He had wanted to give her space to think, to change her mind, to choose him - to choose life - but preoccupied with his task of drawing the names, he didn’t have a chance to go after her even if he wanted to. 

He had scanned the crowd, taking in every face, but couldn’t find hers. Perhaps she had chosen not to be present and he’d find her afterward by herself and they’d talk and work things out and they’d move on from this like they always do… but she never appeared. Not in the chaos of Jaha’s near-successful coup. Not even among the faces of the gassed citizens. His growing dread had turned his insides to stone. Somehow, deep down, he knew: she was gone. 

Only one group had left since the doors opened: the team spearheaded by Clarke and Bellamy going to retrieve Raven from the island nearly two hours before. He immediately knew that’s where she would be - knew what her plans would be - and he had to get to her. Now. 

He tells himself maybe he can convince her to get on the rocket and live and they’d all go to space together? Maybe, somehow, they could make it back in time before the doors closed once and for all? But deep down he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. How do you make someone live who doesn’t want to? How do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved? 

Either way, he was determined to live or die by her side.

Unsurprisingly, he was met with resistance upon telling Indra, Octavia and Jaha about his decision when he’d gathered them in the main office to say his goodbyes. But despite their well-intentioned protests, they ultimately understood his reasons and allowed him to leave in peace. 

He tried to give them each the best of his love. He had hugged Indra and Jaha with a strength that reflected the enormity of his gratitude for their friendship. Then he turned to Octavia, who was struggling to maintain her composure. Time may not have allowed them to bond as much as he’d wanted but whether she showed it or not, he knew she cared about him, in her own way, and was struggling to hide the pain of losing yet another loved one today. “Ste yuj,” he whispered into her ear as he held her close. The parting words that Lincoln had once shared with him finally coaxing a tear from her eye.

He exits the room with one last grateful look to each of them, comforted by the knowledge that the people were in good hands. He and the others had done the best they could to keep them alive and despite the unforgivable casualties, mankind would endure and that was good enough for him. His time of leadership was over. The task that he dedicated himself to so many years ago as a boy joining the ranks of the Guard, finally complete…

Strengthened by this thought once more, he finally turns away from the Bunker entrance, imagining them one day emerging and starting a new life above ground. Building homes, starting families - living the happy, prosperous lives they deserved. 

Walking further into the open thoroughfares of Polis, the murky, hot air quickly thickens around him. He barely stifles a cough, already the radiation stealing its way into his body. He pulls his heavy jacket closer around him, hoping it will protect him from some of the exposure and ties a worn piece of cloth he’d found (remnants of an old, torn shirt) over his face to shield his mouth and nose. Jaha had provided him with a pair of goggles on his way out (a parting gift to aid his friend’s final endeavor) and he secures them gratefully around his eyes. It’s all a poor attempt to protect himself from the radiation but the only options he had. It wasn’t supposed to save him, only keep him alive long enough to find her. 

Without a vehicle available, he had no other option but to ride. Octavia had instructed him to take Helios, whom she had sheltered in an old building that had been altered for housing livestock in the Northwest corner of Polis. He can hear it before he sees it. The sound of anxious cries from the poor animals left behind carries far in the near silence. 

He searches for the chestnut horse inside and finds him at the far end tied to a wooden post. Helios snorts loudly when he sees him approach, the whites of his eyes flashing fearfully in the gloom. With no protection from the air, the radiation has already begun to infect the horse. 

As quickly as he can, Kane takes hold of the rope halter. The sweat-stained horse jerks its head back, ready to flee, but is unable to escape the constraints of his bonds. 

“Whoa, easy.” He holds his hands up to try and calm the animal, aware that his already anxious heart is doing nothing to help. “You know me.” 

To his relief, Helios inhales wheezily through the discharge coming out of his nostrils, recognizing Kane’s scent and calms long enough for him to pet his muzzle appreciatively and clamber onto his bare back. He’s never ridden before but he’s seen Indra and Octavia do it plenty of times. He had no other choice but to try. 

He leans forward and puts a steadying hand on the horse’s tensed neck. “We have a long way to go and little time to get there.”

Finding his seat, Kane positions the lead of the halter to act as reins the best he can and urges Helios forward into a flat-out gallop, navigating the desolate city before racing into the snow-laden forest after the woman he loves. Desperate to reach her before the end.

_I’m coming, Abby..._

\-------------------------------------------------------

With a heavy heart, Abby Griffin watches as the blinding steam of the rocket disappears into the storm choked atmosphere from the top of the radio tower. There was nothing more she could do now but hope that her last efforts to save her daughter and the other kids had paid off. As long as they were safe, this trip had been worth it. 

Upon preparing to launch, a malfunction with a circuit board had required a volunteer to go outside to reactive it and she didn’t hesitate to accept the task. Clarke, perceptive as ever, had read the determination in her mother during this time, adding it all up, and ascertained what she had been planning. The rocket was going into space, but she wouldn’t be on it. This was goodbye...

Clarke tries to call her over the coms from inside the spacecraft, her tearful voice begging her mother not to stay behind even as she knew there was no time to make it back before the launch. Abby desperately tried to soothe her from the top of the tower where she’d successfully reactivated the device.

“Clarke, listen to me. Listen to me, honey, it’s okay. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, mom. I love – “ Static.

She was gone.

It takes everything in Abby not to completely expire on the spot. The weight falls from her limbs. The very breath in her lungs escaping her as she fathoms the last moments she’ll ever share with her daughter. Abby had nearly died multiple times in her life, but this was by far the closest to death she’s ever felt…

Clarke was safe, she told herself as she struggled to reclaim her autonomy, she’d cared for her the best she could and now her task as a parent was complete. She had saved her, Raven, Bellamy, Echo, Emori, Murphy, Monty and Harper. Eight souls as her absolution to make up for so many atrocities...

An Earth trembling boom claims her attention. From this high vantage point it was easy to see the mile-high wall of fire steal ever closer down the valley. The involuntary need for flight surges within her, but she forces herself to swallow the fear and picks her way slowly down the spire to land gently in the snow below. There was no time for fear now.

With her mind made, she slowly removes her helmet, trading clean oxygen for the poisonous air. She estimates the exposure will kill her in a matter of minutes but it doesn’t matter. The storm will reach her first.

She contemplates going back inside the lab to wait but decides to remain outside. She was born inside the constraints of ceilings and walls, she’ll die in the open, under the full strength of the flames just like her people left out of the Bunker - the people she had sentenced to death when she opened the door. 

She would see them soon at least. Jake and her parents as well - countless loved ones she’s lost. She coaxes Clarke’s face to come to her, trying to push past the pain and resurrect only their best memories together. Of relishing the sound of her daughter's carefree laugh as they watch a funny old recording together on the Ark. Of braiding her long, golden hair while talking about her day at school. Of countless dinners shared together as a family. Reading stories of Earth late at night and imagining what life had been like for their ancestors. The unforgettable feeling of Clarke's frail, newborn hand wrapping around her fingers the day she was born...

Tears spring to her eyes, a sudden surge of maternal warmth rushing through her as strong as it had 18 years ago. If there’s one thing she can definitively say about her life with pride is that she truly loved with her whole heart. She loved her daughter more than life itself; she’d loved Jake Griffin for so long, she’d loved and served her people as best she could and she’d loved Marcus Kane more than she ever thought was possible... 

_Marcus._

Despite her best efforts, she lets her mind indulge, one last time, in the image of his smile, bright as a new-dawn sun. In the special way he looked at her that never failed to make her heart flutter. The cherished security of his solid form pressing her to him in a comforting hug. The electric sensation of his lips meeting hers for the first time. The indescribable bliss when they joined their bodies as one. The way his face fell and world shattered when she told him she didn’t want to stay in the Bunker…

She’d been trying to keep the thought of him at bay ever since she left. Desperate to try and erase him from her thoughts lest she breaks and goes rushing back to him. She can only imagine what he'll feel when he finds out where she's gone. It was a cruel decision - one she'd never wish on her worst enemy - but here she was doing it to the very man she loved. She’d taken his heart with her and left him with a final memory that will haunt him the rest of his life... 

"We will find our humanity again." He’d promised, holding her face in that tender way he always did when he was trying to console her. Hope gleamed in his warm eyes and she could almost smile at the strength of his conviction. She loved him for it… but it wasn't going to work. Not this time. Not for her.

She could see no future for herself after all that had happened these last few weeks - not after all the things she'd done. She barely recognized herself anymore. She was just the ghost of the woman he loved now, already close to fading away forever. 

And even if she had stayed, she knew she wasn’t going to last that long anyway.

Abby had yet to suffer the seizures that Raven had but she could still feel the strange sickness worming its way within her. Trembling hands and cold sweats had plagued multiple nights staying at the lab. The headaches came later, the pressure increasing gradually from merely a nuisance to almost debilitating. She knew her condition was getting worse and she wasn’t going to make him watch her suffer. This was a mercy - for both of them.

She bites her bottom lip, struggling to keep herself from breaking down again. 

“Forgive me, Marcus…”

She wraps her arms around her stomach as if to hold herself together, tears flowing ceaselessly now. She holds onto the fact that her loved ones were safe and alive once more and that’s all that mattered. She prays to whatever higher being is out there for them to have long, happy, fulfilling lives.

She can barely feel the tears on her burning face now as the harsher winds approach, ripping at her hair and suit, eager for another victim. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, forcing herself to relax as she tilts her head back into the oncoming gale, welcoming the end...

“Abby!”

Her eyes snap open. 

It had to be the wind, or her mind playing one last trick on her. She was alone… she had to be...

“Abby!”

A man’s voice; unmistakable this time. Someone was out there. She turns as a dark figure slowly materializes through the angry, fire-kissed haze. 

As if her very thoughts had summoned him, there he was…

Marcus.


	2. Chapter 2

“Marcus?” 

The shock of seeing him roots her in place, the rest of the world falling away until there’s nothing but the revelation of seeing Marcus Kane battling through a radiation storm towards her. 

At this distance, he was merely a dark form against the firelight, barely identifiable, but she knew - she  _ knew _ \- only he would be foolish enough to come out here after her. He was holding his coat tight about him but it was clearly doing little to help. 

She watches with alarm as his legs give out and he falls to his knees, his splayed hands barely managing to keep him from falling face first into the snow. Her legs move on instinct and within moments she’s by his side, grabbing his shoulders to hold him upright. 

“Marcus, my God -" She takes his head in her hands to inspect him. Despite his best efforts to shield himself, the sickness had spread profusely, covering his entire face in angry red blisters. She can only imagine how the rest of his body has been affected or the amount of pain he was in. 

To her surprise, he pulls down his cowl and removes his goggles, discarding them in the snow beside them. His kind, brown eyes meet hers, looking at her like a man looks at the sun after weeks of rain. Face breaking into a relieved smile, he reaches a trembling hand to try and touch her face.

“Abby…” he croaks out her name. Even inches apart she can barely hear him. 

“What are you doing here?” She shouts.

“I - I had -,” he lurches forward suddenly, coughing up a pool of blood before her, stark against the snow. Fear, cold as ice, slides through Abby's veins. The radiation had taken a heavy toll on him and he was losing this fight…

Mind racing, she turns to see the triangular outline of Becca’s lab standing yards away, dark against the glowing sky. That was their only chance of protection and she knows she has to get him there. Fast. 

Even here, at the end of the world, there is no question in her mind. This was Marcus Kane, and she was going to save him.

“Come on!” Her body moves without thinking, falling back years of medical training to combat the innate panic that would otherwise render her unable to function. She twists around, ducking her head under his arm and grabbing hold of his side to lift him back to his feet. 

“I’ve got you,” she comforts him as he struggles to stand.

Already she can feel her own body turning against her from the exposure. Her vision began to spin unnaturally and every breath burned in her throat like she had swallowed hot coals. Whether it was due to fear, the radiation, or her brain condition her limbs had begun trembling as well, but she forces the realization from her mind. Nothing else mattered right now but the man by her side.

Every second passes painfully slow as they limp their way through the frost and fire to finally reach the lab door. Abby struggles to hold his waist with one arm as she punches a command into an adjacent wall panel and the mouth of the concrete entrance slides open into darkness. She rushes inside before the door fully opens, Kane nearly falling out of her grasp as it reseals behind them with a final hiss of wind. 

Exhausted, they immediately fall back against the solid surface to catch their breath, now disturbingly loud in the quieter space. Out of the storm winds, she can hear the painful wheeze in his chest as he fights against another coughing fit. She presses him closer against her, silently praying for more time. 

"Just hold on a little longer," she begs. 

To keep the environment of the lab sterile, the main entrance acted like an airlock, filtering out any contamination before allowing passage. If she didn’t get him into clean air, nothing she did to help him was going to matter. 

A red light blooms above them as the filters activate, pumping out the poisonous air and replacing it with clean, life-saving oxygen. Abby stares at it like a lifeline. 

_ Come on, come on, come on... _

Finally, the light turns green, the large glass door before them engaging and allowing passage. 

The fading white lights of the facility inside flicker like lightning in a storm as the power wanes. Though the underground lab also acted as a stronghold against nuclear attack, the aged building was taking a heavy beating and she didn't know how long they would have before it would finally give way. 

“This way," Abby leads Kane deeper inside. Half supporting, half dragging him across the polished white floor. She doesn’t have the strength or time to get him to the main lab area so she deposits him on a sofa in the nearest glass-walled room - a spacious office. 

She helps him remove his outer coat and places it under his head as a cushion, his body disturbingly light and pliable under her touch. His clouded eyes struggle to focus on her, straying towards nothingness - fighting against the urge to close. "Abby, don't -"

“Shhhh, don’t try to talk.” She places a hand on his heaving chest in an attempt to calm him. Though the room was dimly lit, it affords her a better view of his condition than before. It takes all her willpower not to gasp in horror at the sight of him. 

He looks like he had literally walked through fire. All visible skin, mutilated by dermatitis, she can only imagine the war raging inside his body as the extreme levels of ionization literally burns through him, shredding his DNA without mercy. If their space-born bodies weren’t already accustomed to some degree of radiation, she knows he would have succumbed to it a long time ago.

A wave of panic surges through her and she’s struggling not to drown. This is the worst case of radiation poisoning she’s ever seen. Far worse than those poor members of Floukru that had come to Arkadia for aid. Despite her best efforts, she had been unable to save any of them - an entire society dying under her care because she had failed to find a way to cure them. And now he would suffer the same fate… 

No. She can't lose him. She  _ won't _ . 

She runs a list of medical procedures through her mind, desperate for an answer. She doesn’t have any anti-radiation pills. It wouldn’t be enough anyway, it hadn’t been for Floukru and it certainly wouldn’t be enough for this. If only he was… a Nightblood. 

She stills, something clicking in her mind. Luna’s unique blood had saved her from the same radiation that claimed the lives of her people… and that blood was still being stored in this lab. 

Though she had no definitive results, the serum she’d made from it had been successful on Clarke as far as she knew and there was still some left over from a blood draw that she had planned to study further. It wasn’t a guarantee, but right now it was her only option. 

Her mind made, she gives his hand a quick squeeze.

"Hold on, I'll be right back." She turns and races out of the room, sprinting down a staircase as fast as she can manage to the main lab on the second level. The building rocks around her and she nearly loses her footing on the smooth floor, slamming her hands against the nearest piece of machinery to keep herself steady. 

Finally arriving at the nearest table, she begins running her hands over the assorted equipment, knocking over beakers and tossing aside a used sharps tray onto the floor without care as her frustration builds. She curses under her breath. All of this would mean nothing if she couldn't find- 

There. A red biohazard container lays forgotten on the floor where it had fallen on its side. Abby picks it up and places it on the nearest desk, praying it contents were still intact. She pulls off her thick black gloves and unlatches the box, rewarded by the sight of six vacutainers of blood safely inside. 

She pauses, doubt creeping in as she stares at the thick, black substance. The memories of her dark deeds as close as her heartbeat: the screams of the innocent man she was killing as her failed serum bubbles and spurts from the mouth. The look on Clarke’s face when she had pumped the same treatment into her body. The sound of glass shattering as she smashes the radiation chamber and destroys any hope of saving the people she had promised to... 

She swallows hard to calm the nausea that was rising inside her. Even if it worked, there is still so much she doesn’t know about the serum. It may have bonded with Clarke’s body but she had no idea how it would work long term or how it would react to Kane’s system. There were so many variables. So many things that could go wrong - 

_ No _ . She pushes the fear aside, letting the doctor in her tame her emotions. If she didn’t do something now he was dead anyway. 

She slams the container shut and races back. 

Kane is lying utterly still on the sofa, an arm dangling over the side when she returns to the office. His heavy lidded eyes opening slightly to see her standing in the entrance, “Abby…"

“It’s okay, Marcus,” she reassures him, “I’m going to fix this. You’re going to be alright.” She hates that she can barely hide the fear in her voice as she runs forward and falls heavily to her knees by his side. She opens the container and removes her equipment as quickly as she can, shoving aside the low black table next to the sofa to make room for herself. 

With trembling fingers and spinning vision, she extracts a sample of Clarke’s altered blood into a clean syringe. Without going through her usual ministrations, she tactlessly plunges the thick needle into the side of Kane’s neck, pushing every drop of the dark substance into his body. 

He barely reacts. 

Empty, she lets the syringe fall from her hand. Was it enough? Despite her best efforts to remain calm in front of him, a torrent of panic sets in and the tears she’d been holding back finally begin to fall. She scrambles for another dose but she’s shaking so hard the vial falls from her grasp. “Damnit!”

“Abby, stop.” Weakly, Kane places a trembling hand on hers, forcing her to look at him and everything stills. "It’s okay."

She blinks, mouth parting with surprise as it became utterly clear: he had no intention of surviving this. 

"Marcus…" The turbulence of the storm and the war drum of her heart fall away until her whole world narrows to just his face. She wraps both her hands around his, holding it close to her heart. 

A tear runs down the side of his face as he watches her. There’s a pain in his eyes that has nothing to do with his condition she realizes - full of the torment of so many things he wanted to say but realized he wouldn’t be able to. 

“I had to see you…” he manages finally, struggling to pass the words through his damaged throat, “one last time." 

Before she can absorb his words, his eyes roll back and close, his suddenly limp hand nearly slipping from her grasp. Abby stares in shock, all the strength draining from her body.

"Marcus?" She shakes him but he doesn't move, his breath now painfully shallow in the throes of unconsciousness. 

_ No, no, no, no, no... _

Acting beyond thought, she extracts blood from the second vacutainer she had dropped and shoots it into his nearest arm. She watches as the substance blackens a vein but still he doesn’t react. He was no longer struggling, she realizes, he was passing on... 

A hand flies to her mouth but does nothing to stem the tide of her sobs. The man she loved was dying in front of her and it was her fault. 

He had left the safety of the Bunker for  _ her _ . He had endured the devastating wrath of radiation for  _ her _ . And now her worst fear - that nagging shadow that clung to the edge of her nightmares for so long - had become utterly real. 

She was too late. The radiation would kill him before the serum could help. 

Abby buries her face in her shaking hands. She wants to scream. She wants to hit something until it breaks. She wants this moment to be anything other than what it is. 

“It wasn't supposed to be like this!" She cries, "He was supposed to live!” 

Fate had threatened to steal them from each other more times than she’d like to recount but somehow, against all odds, they always managed to find a way back to each other. But now their luck had finally run out. All they’d been through - everything they’d endured - coming down to this one horrific moment. 

Anger burns cold in her veins. Anger at him for coming out here, anger at the world for letting this happen, anger at herself for failing him. Was this the punishment for her sins? An innocent man dying instead of her?

"I’m sorry," she whispers silently, one last time.

Chunks of ceiling crumble to the floor around them, vaguely dragging her mind back to the present as the world outside gives a ground-shaking bellow. Instinctively, Abby throws her upper body on top of Kane’s to shield him the best she can but she knows this is it. One way or another, death was coming for both of them. Eyes closed and body tensed against his chest, she waits to be crushed under the weight of the lab. 

Perhaps it was selfish, but deep down she takes some small comfort in the fact that she didn’t have to die alone. That if this is what fate had planned they would at least go together. And it was so very much like him, she thinks fondly, to make sure she never had to face anything on her own…

The storm roars. The room shakes. The lights flicker and finally go out...


	3. Chapter 3

She’s surrounded by green. 

Verdant green. The color of newborn buds just coming to life in early Spring. Her bare feet walk through a wave of flowing grass tall as her knees as her fingers play along the faces of wild flowers in her path. The air so rich with the sweet elixir of life she could almost drink it. 

Abby blinks up into white light streaming like angelic hands through a canopy of trees above her, dancing gently in the crisp air. She’s never felt so at peace. Basking in a warmth like she’s never felt cold. Drowning in the light like she’s never known dark. 

She can’t see so much as sense another presence with her and keeps walking, compelled to find them. She passes through the lush forest before coming to stand at it’s edge. She pauses when she sees him.

Kane is standing in the field in before her. He turns as she approaches, his soil-brown eyes lighting up as they meet hers, shining in a smile that rivaled the sun. She returns the expression, her body at once feeling light and unburdened by the mere sight of him. Pain, fear, suffering - all a distant memory in the gaze of the man she loves. If this is Heaven, she thinks, it was a place she was content to stay forever... 

He holds out a hand, inviting her to come to him. She can think of nothing more she wants than to be by his side. To run and fling herself into his arms. To hold him forever in this paradise. 

She tries to take a step toward him but is frozen in place. 

Confusion spreads dark roots in her chest as the image slips away from her. Kane vanishes before her eyes along with the rest of the world as dark replaces light. It’s fading - _ she’s _ fading - out of time, out of existence until there’s nothing but emptiness. 

_ No! Take me back! _

Abby opens her eyes - or tries to anyway - struggling to gather her bearings, but there was little difference between the waking world and that behind her eyelids and it takes an indiscernible amount of time to realize that she’s still in Becca’s office. 

The space was dark but even in the gloom she can see that it had been heavily rocked by the storm. Sculptures and precious items littering the ground where they’d fallen and shattered. 

She tries to move but immediately winces in pain, her entire body aching from disuse. Somehow she had fallen on the ground, her left side numb from the pressure. How long has she been out? She can feel a few scraps and aches where bruises would no doubt form but other than that, she realizes with astonishment, she was okay. 

Fractured moments of the event return to her piece by piece. She remembers the storm. Drowning in noise. Fighting to breathe. Marcus dying - 

_Marcus. _

Her eyes shoot open this time. A hand, pale in the dark, hangs lifeless in front of her eyes. She grabs hold of it like it’s an anchor and she’s drowning at sea, pushing past the pain to scramble to her knees beside him, dizzy with the fear of what she may discover. 

Kane lies still on the sofa, just like he was the last time she saw him. His face is peaceful, though still marred by the erosion of radiation. He was pale, lifeless - a far cry from the vibrant man in her dream. A thin layer of powdery debris lay over him like dirt thrown onto a fresh grave. 

She shakes his shoulders with unrestrained urgency, “Marcus? Marcus can you hear me?” 

Nothing. If what she had seen was Heaven, then this was surely Hell...

Breathing hard, Abby remembers her training and fingers for a pulse on his wrist, the other hand flying to his neck to do the same. It was difficult to detect under his damaged skin but finally she finds it: the faint hint of a heartbeat.

He was still alive.

Relief rushes through her like a cleansing wave, draining the tension from her body. Her forehead falls to his chest as she lets out the shaky breath she’d been holding. 

But he wasn’t out of the woods yet, she reminds herself. The serum had worked to begin counteracting the effects of the radiation, but there was no telling if his path to recovery would end in success. It was just a matter of time before his body or the sickness won and she had to do everything she could to make sure it was him. 

Adrenaline fading, she becomes more aware of her own body, her cuts and scrapes beginning to throb. She lifts her head to see the beginnings of the same blisters on her hands where she had been exposed. She didn’t experience nearly as much as him, but the levels were still high enough to cause damage. She'd need to counter the sickness in herself as well… 

Abby glances over at the biohazard container on the floor beside her where she’d left it. If she was going to take care of him, she needed to be healthy enough to function.

Still aching and a little disoriented, it takes her a minute to stand, her vision swaying as blood rushes from her head and she fights to keep herself from collapsing. She hasn’t had any food or water in who knows how long and she makes a mental note to find some soon lest she faints. 

Finally finding her feet, she unzips her hazmat suit and discards it on the ground behind her, happy to finally be free of the restrictive material. She places the container on the table next to the sofa, opening it to see its contents were still intact. She finds a fat vein in her arm with ease and releases the altered blood into her system, closing her eyes as a temporary burn pulses up her arm. She didn’t care. Just as long as it worked. 

It was impossible for her to carry Kane’s dead weight all the way to medical downstairs, so she’d have to bring medical to him. Luckily they found themselves in a state of the art facility that had plenty of supplies to aid his healing, but one look around the dark space and she realizes she has to get the power running again first. 

“I’ll be back,” she says to Kane, and begins to step carefully through the gloom to find the door, guided by memory more than sight. She puts a steadying hand on the nearest wall to anchor herself, taking small steps to avoid tripping over fallen objects. 

After an endless time making her way through the near-dark, she finds the storage room and manages to find a flashlight from a shelf next to the door after feeling for one for several minutes. She flicks it on, blinking at the sudden contrast as it highlights a room full of foreign machinery. 

She was no engineer, but years of living with Jake with a curious mind and keen awareness of things around her, she’d picked up on a few things. At least enough to know how to start a generator. She finds it in the back and after several minutes struggling to turn the right switches, she’s rewarded by the hum of machinery coming back to life. 

Exhausted by the physical exertion, she wipes a bead of sweat from her brow and walks back into the main lab to see the results of her work. The facility was still dim, but there was enough light to see that the place had held up surprisingly well. Beyond some pieces of the ceiling that had been unable to withstand the impact of the storm, most of the equipment was still intact. 

Her vision and mind more clear now, she heads to medical to find some supplies for Kane. She had already familiarized herself with the storage room many times in her care for Raven’s brain condition and is grateful she won’t have to waste time rummaging around. She procures a bag of saline and an IV pole and pauses, struck once more by the memories of the horrid seizures the poor girl had to endure. 

When would she need the same treatment? When would she be the one on the floor shaking into unconsciousness? A sudden fear grips her, not for herself but for what would happen to Kane if she got sicker and he had no one to care for him...

She pushes the thought from her mind for the moment, focusing on what she can control. For now she was well enough to function and that’s all that matters. She quickly grabs some IV equipment, an oxygen mask and bandages and exits the room to make her way back to the office.

Abby knows what to expect, but it still pains her to see Kane in this state. She comes to set up quietly near him, trying to avoid looking at his face directly, still haunted by the sight of his transformation. To her relief the scarring didn’t seem quite as intense as she remembered. Hopefully the serum would continue to do its job. 

She places the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, watching his breath fog up the plastic, shallow but steady. Unsurprisingly she has trouble finding a vein under his dermatitis and has to stick him more than once, apologizing by habit though she knows he can’t hear her. 

Her work done for the moment, she stops and sits on the edge of the black table adjacent from the sofa and watches him. All is silent but the sound of her heartbeat and the concerning wheeze in his chest. 

Abby caresses a hand along the side of his face, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen across his forehead. She can feel tears coming to her eyes, burning with frustration. How did he get here? What had he done to himself? Why did he do it?

But as she watches him struggle to breathe, she can’t allow herself to fully give into that anger and lets it collapse under another wave of grief. How can she be mad at him now when he may be slipping from her forever? So she just takes his hand and silently begs him to hold on. 

All she could do now was wait and pray he comes back to her…

* * *

Kane's mind pushes past the deep folds of darkness, struggling for a foothold in reality once more. An ache begins to settle in him as he’s thrust into painful consciousness and he’s suddenly aware of nothing but the burn of his flesh and a sting in his lungs. He winces, tries to move, tries to escape this nagging pain... 

He feels something foreign on his face and pulls the oxygen mask away with clumsy fingers, confused. He finally blinks, eyes staring upwards where a large, jagged fissure was carved into the ceiling above him. He just squints at the sight, unable to grasp what it means. Then his eyes shift down and he goes rigid. 

Even in his blurred vision, the sickness was unmistakable. Endless red welts cover every inch of his skin. His heart starts beating faster, cold panic forcing his limbs to shake. What had happened to him? 

He tries to move, then… feels something warm and solid in his hand. 

He angles his neck to see Abby asleep beside him, her head resting on her forearms on a thin strip of bare sofa his body hadn’t claimed. His heart beat steadies, immediately calmed by the peaceful sight he’s been longing to see again ever since Polis. Even in their limited time together, he couldn’t imagine waking up without her. Every morning alone another painful reminder that they were apart. 

But now here she is. Alive and safe and suddenly everything is okay.

Instinctively, Kane reaches out an unsteady hand to run his fingers through her hair, easing her awake like he used to some mornings in Polis. 

"Abby," his voice no more than a gravelly whisper but it’s enough to make her stir and lift her head. In moments he's rewarded by the sight of her dark amber eyes staring into his, smiling as they slowly light up with recognition. 

"Marcus, thank God," she breathes, squeezing his hands as tight as she can, "I thought I'd lost you."

He just smiles at her, still half delirious. 

Her hands hover over his body as she quickly scans his condition. She had changed back into her lacey blue top, wrinkled from overwear. Her long, unkempt hair falling about her shoulders. Despite the spark of warmth in her eyes, she looks utterly exhausted and he wonders how long she’s been by his side. 

But what was she doing here? What was _ he _ doing here? 

His still-unfocused eyes dart around the space. The room was dimly lit with artificial, blue light washing over the shattered remains of items he couldn’t begin to guess. It’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before. 

"Where are we?"

"I brought you to Becca's lab.”

And then he remembers. The storm.

His heart begins beating faster as the memories of slicing wind and burning flesh return. Of falling from Helios' back when the horse's heart had given out and the fear he'd never see Abby again…

Looking into his eyes, it’s clear to Abby where his mind is and she squeezes his hand tighter, pulling him back to the present, “It passed over a week ago. We’re safe now."

Kane gapes at her, "I've been out that long?" 

Mind beginning to race, he’s unable to remain still any longer but Abby immediately has a hand on his chest to hold him down before he can attempt to sit up, "Easy, you’re still very weak.”

He falls back with a grunt of pain, "What happened?" 

"I got us inside just in time before you passed out,” she says, “You had Acute Radiation Poisoning, Marcus. The worst case I've ever seen." 

He knows the gravity of what that means but is unable to piece together how she had managed to stave off what should have been a fatal event, "How am I alive?"

Her jaw tightens and he can feel her fingers fidget against his hand, "I gave you a dose of Nightblood to try and counteract the effects of the radiation. It seems to be working for now but I need to run some more tests."

As if called to action, he begins coughing. He tries to stifle it at first but is unable to hold it back for long. Prepared, Abby grabs a cup of water on the table behind her and brings it to his lips in seconds. He nearly chokes on it but manages to get some of the cool liquid down his throat. When his lungs allow him to breathe again, he lays his head back, exhausted by the effort.

"How do you feel?" Abby asks. 

Kane considers this a moment, taking stock of the fact that every nerve in his body felt like it was on fire and any moment he could vomit. Eyes closed, he manages a wry grin, "Could be worse." 

Abby rolls her eyes, but is unable to hide the amusement in them. What else did she expect from him? 

He studies her face a moment, concern replacing his humor as he notices the same blisters marking her own skin. He brings his hand to her face, gently brushing a lesion that had begun to form there. “Are_ you _okay?” 

“Don’t worry, I took the serum too,” she assures him. 

He nods, satisfied for the moment, but his hand lingers a moment too long to just be about her injury. “Thank you,” he says hoarsely, “for taking care of me.”

Her eyes soften. _ Always. _

They hold this moment as long as they can. Content to just be together - the first time they've been alone and safe in ages… until a sudden thought enters Kane's mind: "Wait, where are the kids?"

The peace in Abby’s eyes wavers and she looks away, visibly struck by the unexpected reminder, "They took the rocket and made it to space before the storm hit."

“Oh thank God,” He closes his eyes a moment, sinking back into the sofa with a heaving sigh, “Any word?" 

"No. I've tried contacting them but haven't received any reply…," she says quietly, trying to remain strong but he can see her mind falling back onto the ever present current of worry she'd been trying to hold at bay. 

“Hey,” he says, encouraging her to look at him, "They're smart, I'm sure they're okay."

She tries to give him a wan smile in appreciation but it dies before it reaches her eyes. He knows his words were only whispers tossed helplessly into the gale of her mind and his heart aches at the thought of what unimaginable pain she must be going through being cut off from Clarke once more...

He places his other hand over hers, thumb gently caressing her knuckles, “And we’re going to be okay too. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

Abby's struck once more by the unwavering belief of hope in his eyes. By the invitation they carry for her to do the same. 

She looks down at their intertwined hands with heavy eyes, considering the offer. She had wanted nothing more than to have a moment like this again - to get him back, to see his smile once more, to hold his hand - but she can’t just go back to what they were and pretend like nothing had happened. She can’t ignore what he’d done…

He sees the shift in her demeanor, brows furrowing, "What's wrong?"

“What were you thinking coming out here?” She says finally, voice low. An edge there that wasn’t before. 

Kane’s fingers still, surprised by the sudden coldness he finds there. So now they come to it...

He sighs, struggling to find the right words, “Abby, I couldn’t just let you -”

“What? Make my own decisions?”

“That’s not -”

“It was foolish,” she ignores him, her temper flaring, “You could have gotten yourself killed.”

He shakes his head, failing to find the right words to explain the depth of what he felt, “It was a risk I was willing to take...”

"I wasn’t," Abby lets go of his hand and stands as the flame of anger inside her grows. The emotions she’s been holding back for so long now unable to be held at bay any longer. 

"That was my choice, Marcus,” she grits out, tears welling in her eyes despite herself, "and you took that from me."

He holds her gaze, struck by the pain in them - the same pain as the day she had left him to die - and his heart breaks for her once more, twisting with confusion and desperation to help her. But he can’t apologize. Not for this... 

"And this was mine," his voice is quiet but the conviction in his eyes matches her own.

They were at an impasse. Two people unconcerned with their own lives determined to safeguard the others no matter what. Neither were going to win this argument.

Abby swallows hard, the fire in her eyes temporarily cooling to hard steel, “Get some rest. I’ll be back to change your IV in a few hours.”

With that, she turns and walks out, leaving him alone in the heavy silence. Kane just stares at the door. There’s a sudden emptiness in his chest - more painful than any wound on his body. He blinks the moisture from his eyes and sucks in a shaky breath, suddenly sick to his stomach. 

He’d done something he promised himself he’d never do: he’d hurt her. Betrayed her. But how can he regret saving her life? As much as it pained him to be the source of her unhappiness, he knows he’d do it again. He’d never hesitate to put his life on the line for hers and that wasn’t going to change. 

He lays his head back on the sofa stiffly, staring up at the cracks in the ceiling once more, holding onto the hope that she'd come around in time. She had too. But in the dark of his mind his own words return to haunt him, dragging what was left of his heart even lower.

_You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved... _


	4. Chapter 4

Time had become a lost concept down in the lab.

Just like their previous lives on the Ark, they found themselves stuck in an artificial limbo once more. Trapped inside four walls and left to dream about what lay beyond. Kane and Abby had assumed it’d be easy to fall back into old habits, but their six months on the ground had spoiled them and every day they woke up missing the sun. 

Mostly it was quiet. Not the serene kind that soothes the soul and brings clarity to the mind, but an empty silence - almost loud in its wrongness. Kane was a well-disciplined man and had no trouble spending hours to himself alone in uninterrupted thought, but the silence between them was a new kind of torture. It hung over them like a shroud and he found himself struggling to breathe under its weight. A wound he couldn’t keep from bleeding into his every waking thought. 

Weeks apart separated by distance and duty had been more than he could bear and he had clung to the thought of returning to her like a lifeline - a beacon of hope to keep his thoughts out of despair. Now she had returned to his life but was as far away from him as she’s ever been. 

The sudden, gaping rift at their feet made even more painful by the knowledge of how close they once stood. A divide stretched further by the weight of so much unspoken. It flashes between their eyes but always remains a prisoner to the silence neither will break. 

For days he couldn’t count, Kane wakes up on that sofa feeling disoriented by their new routine: a small cup of water and ration of food on the squat table beside him to tell him that Abby had stopped by. He always laments missing her arrival, but reminds himself it’s probably what she had wanted. When he does see her, she says little more than she would to a patient, asking questions about his physical well-being, making adjustments to his treatment, offering painkillers or taking another sample of blood. 

He honors her boundaries and makes himself the perfect patient, using their all too short intervals of proximity to study her as well - trying to gauge her mental and physical recovery without alerting her defenses. But then again, she had never really been hard to read. Anyone who knew Abby for more than a day knew she was not a woman who easily hid her feelings. You could sense the storm brewing inside her small frame from across a room and it was not one you wanted to descend upon you. 

Even now it was written into the rigid way she went about her work. Lips hard set and eyes like sharpened daggers, ready to cut - a look he was all too familiar with. Those penetrating eyes used to be the bane of his days and he can’t help but feel the familiar guilt simmer inside him once more that he was once again the target of her disappointment. 

But they had healed from that, he continually reminds himself, they could from this too. They had to...

So he watches and waits and prays that time will heal her. Soothe the mangled edges and unseen wounds of her mind and allow her to open up to him once more. He would wait as long as it takes for her to find her way back to him…

* * *

Abby finds him already awake today, clear-eyed and prepared for her arrival. “I’m ready to try again,” he says before she can fully enter the room. She takes him in with momentary surprise.

Every day he grew stronger of body and clearer of mind and he was growing restless in his forced internment.

"Marcus, there's no rush," referring to an incident the week before where he’d fallen in his first attempts to stand, "I don't want you to push yourself again -"

“I’m ready this time,” he says, voice and eyes unwavering.

Abby's lips part but she says nothing. She knows she’d protest as well if she was in his position so she doesn’t argue, understanding all too well his desire to feel useful - to feel like he has some semblance of control and make discernable progress. 

“Okay, let’s try again,” she concedes, setting down the datapad she was holding on the main desk and comes to sit beside him on the overworn sofa.

Eager, Kane begins pulling the leads from his bare chest while Abby removes the needle from his arm. Finally untethered, Kane takes her outstretched hand and pulls himself forward into a sitting position, momentarily caught off guard by the shock of the cold floor under his bare feet. With a steadying breath, he wraps an arm around her shoulders, the other hand gripping an armrest to further facilitate him. 

“Ready?” Abby asks. 

At his consenting nod she stretches an arm across his back, ready to slowly guide him up with her. Kane's body is anything but solid under her touch and she can feel his muscles begin to spasm at the effort. His stance wavers, her hand pressing into his chest the only thing keeping him from falling forward. His knees buckle and with a frustrated grunt, he sinks back into the sofa.

“Marcus, we can try another day -,”

“No,” he looks at her, unable to hide the desperation in his eyes, “I can do it.”

After a long moment, she nods and repositions herself to be his anchor once more, pressing her shoulder under his arm to help take his weight. She knows the contact must be agonizing his still tender skin, but he grits his teeth and pushes through it, struggling to hold himself up without hurting her.

“It’s okay, you can lean on me,” she offers and after a heartbeat of indecision, she can feel more of his weight. She takes it in her stride, adjusting herself, ready to give him all he needed from her.

Slowly, steadily, they rise off the sofa together until his feet are planted flat on the ground. After a few moments of concentration, he straightens, a smile spreading across his face. 

Triumphant, Kane turns to look at her suddenly and their noses nearly brush. They’re so close, Abby can feel his warm, labored breath as her own. His smile wavers, shifts into something else - no less happy, just different. A look she was all too familiar with...

Thrown by the unexpected intimacy, Abby looks away, dropping the hand that had been on his chest. Luckily he’s righted himself enough that she no longer has to counterbalance his weight.

"It looks like you can take it from here,” she says, flashing him a rewarding look. She hands him a long, thick cane she had found the week before and he plants it beside him with a grateful, even humored look - the irony not lost on him. 

Kane takes a tentative step forward, then another - Abby weaning her grip until he’s on his own. She watches him carefully, eyes softening. A familiar swell of pride blooming in her chest whenever she sees her patients improve. Not for the first time she’s in awe of how he never lets the challenges he faces hold him back. He didn’t let his severed leg stop him from walking miles to help the wounded in TonDC. Never complained about the damage to his wrists at the end of metal spikes. She can’t help but be in awe of his enduring strength...

“Here, get dressed,” remembering she had brought in a fresh pair of clothes for him for when he was ready. She hands him a plain, white shirt and watches carefully as he pulls it over his head and chest, wincing at the effort, but able to accomplish it on his own. The familiar motion summons a flash of their time in Polis to her mind. Despite his condition and weeks of immobility sapping at his mass, neither could fully eradicate the fine structure of his body…

Abby shakes the thought and turns away to hide the growing blush on her cheeks. Falling back on a practiced professional tone as she grabs the data pad off the table, “Remember, your body is still healing internally and it’s going to take time before you’re completely back to normal so I still need you to rest often.”

“So when can we leave?” 

She gives him a hard look, a hand flying to her hip, “Did you even hear me?"

"I know I'm recovering,” coming to stand opposite the desk from her, “but we have to start making plans. You know as well as I do we can’t stay here.”

The reality of their situation has not been lost on her. Despite the resources available to them here, they wouldn’t last five years. If they didn’t leave, this temporary salvation would eventually become their tomb. 

“You want to go to Polis.” 

“It’s our only choice,” he says, leaning his hands on the desk, “we can rejoin our people. With this new serum maybe we can give them a better life.”

Abby swallows hard, stomach churning at the thought of facing their people again. Of being reminded of those they’ve lost. The ones she sacrificed...

“You can contact Clarke,” he adds with a smile, sensing her unease, “the radio will work there, I know it will. You can call her every day if you want." 

Despite the risks of the journey and the pain of facing her decisions, she knows he’s right. And if there was even a remote chance she could talk to Clarke one more time - to know for sure she had made it - that alone would be worth the trip. 

But it wouldn’t be that simple either...

“We have no idea what we’ll find up there, Marcus,” voice lowering with caution, “All the drones are down so I have no way of getting a visual. Besides the radiation levels are still off the charts.”

“But we can survive that now, right?”

“Theoretically, yes, but even with our new Nightblood I don’t want to push it yet. I need to run some more tests before I can be sure and we should probably wait until the levels begin to taper."

He leans his weight forward, resting the flats of his knuckles against the desk, “So how long until it’s safe enough to leave?”

Abby angles the data tablet towards him, pulling up an interactive graph of lines, colors and words he couldn't decipher, “If my calculations hold up, the levels should dip into a more manageable range in…," she pauses to run the math through her head once more, "a couple of months maybe?”

His brows raise, “Do we have enough supplies to last that long?” 

“If we start rationing now, we should. It’s after that concerns me. We have no idea how long it will take to get to Polis on foot.”

He shifts the weight in his legs, pondering this a moment, “What if we didn’t have to go on foot?” He asks, catching her curious eye, “Where did you leave the Rover?”

Something clicks in her eyes, “Hold on.”

Abby begins rummaging through a drawer and pulls out a long piece of rolled-up paper. She unfolds it on the table before him - a detailed image of deep blue intersected with stark white lines and names. A map. 

He grins up at her, impressed. Abby folds her arms across her chest, doing little to hide the satisfied tilt to her lips at his admiration. 

He studies the map for several moments, getting the lay of the land, “So where are we now?”

Abby leans forward, studying the geography a moment before placing an index finger over a location, “Here, in the center of this lake.”

Kane tilts his head to get a better angle as she taps her finger on a spot not far South of it and continues, “around here is where we left the Rover to use the ferry.”

Even without taking into account the scale of the map, the distance was minor, “It shouldn’t take us too long to get to Rover on foot,” he slides his finger Southeast to where the Grounder capital should be, “from there we can drive the rest of the way.”

Abby crosses her arms, not wholly convinced, “And what if the Rover is destroyed? Did you think of that?”

“Well, unless there’s a spare rocket laying around, then we better hope it isn’t.” 

She nearly rolls her eyes, his optimism equal parts annoying and charming, “Since when do you not think everything through?” 

Kane cocks an eyebrow, rising to meet her challenge, “Since when is the great Dr. Griffin afraid to take risks?” 

She flashes him a sideways look in mock vexation, long enough to catch his grin and meet it with her own before fixating on the map before her once more. All too quickly the moment of levity sobering as the journey ahead starts to solidify. 

Kane watches her carefully, adopting a softer tone, “Abby, this can work. We have to try...”

She doesn’t look at him. Knowing all too well what she’ll see if she looks in his eyes. It’s clear to her that above all else, this trip was for her. To keep her safe. To give her a chance for a future again. Deep down she can’t help but feel a familiar surge of frustration at the situation he’s put them in and pity for what he’ll have to endure because of it. Because of her...

A wave of shame seizes her heart as she wonders once more how much time she had left. How can she tell him that after all this she was going to die anyway? That all his hopes were doomed to be nothing more than broken dreams and unfulfilled promises? 

The quality of Raven’s health had been contingent on how hard she pushed her mind. Would this journey push her to the breaking point as well? For now, her symptoms were still manageable - easy enough to hide - but she’d have to keep it that way. If Kane knew, he’d give all of himself to try and save her, throwing his life away for a lost cause. They’d be back to where they started when he came here: chasing her right into a grave.

As much as it hurts her to contemplate, sooner or later Kane would have to face the truth and accept the pain that came with it. She was a sinking ship and she wasn’t going to let him go down with her... even if it meant tossing him over the side. 

He had taken her choice from her to try and keep her alive, but it had given her one more to make. If this was her last chance to save someone she loved then she was going to take it. She was going to save him even if it kills her...

Abby returns his gaze, giving nothing away, and nods, “To Polis then.”


End file.
